Candy Canes
by Twy
Summary: 100% chance we are all drug addicts and/or alcholics." CRACK ZeloxGenis, GenisxZelosxLloyd rated for drug and alchohol usage. It began with Colette kidnapping Lloyd, but as it goes, no one is safe!


Candy canes

(Takes place when Colette loses her voice.)

"I'm sorry Colette, I have to tell them."Lloyd said, Colette stared at him sadly, the rest of the group also stared.

"What do you mean Lloyd?"Genis asked.

"Colette..."Lloyd paused, and suddenly something amazing happened, he got an evil plotbunny, which as any writer knows, crawls into your ears and causes you to do or write things OOC-like,"is addicted to ground candy canes!"

"....Wut...?"The group said in unison, Colette looked ready to faint.

"Yes, She lost her appetite because she's been smuggling candy canes when we aren't looking! And because of all the sugar she became super aware of everything! And the preservatives made her impervious to pain! and then it took a turn for the worse, she lost her sense of touch and voice! All because of ground candy canes!"

"Oh my goddess! Colette how could you! I thought rehab fixed you!"Raine yelled.

"...Wut...?"It was Lloyd's turn.

"You didn't know? Colette had been in and out of rehab for the last four years, we were so sure she was cured too!"Genis yelled.

"Uhm...I was kinda playing around, she isn't sneaking ground candy canes...Ithink..."Everyone looked at Colette, she grabbed Lloyd's hand.

"Lloyd....can...you...make...lines...with....a....pencil?"

"I-i think so Colette but why-"He was cut off as Colette shoved a bunch of ground candy cane up his nose and flew off.

"No Colette!"Raine and Genis yelled.

"What's going to happen to Lloyd?"Sheena asked.

"He'll become a ground candy cane addict like Colette...she'll take him some place where it will be easy to obtain candy canes, just like she did with poor, poor Joe."

"Joe?"Sheena asked.

"Hey Regal, do you know where it's easy to find Candy canes?"Genis asked.

"Yes, the Lezarano company sends about two million candy canes a year to Flanoir."

"Okay, we need to go to Flanoir!"Sheena said.

"But somebody else needs to get the rooms ready at Tethe'tella's rehab."

"Don't worry, we're ready."Zelos said.

"What do you mean?"Genis asked.

"Not that it matters to any of you,"The chosen said snootily,"but i have a room there on permanent reserve."

"Gee...I wonder why?"Genis said didn't even bother with a retort instead he began to beat up the poor half-elf, which somehow lead to their shirts dissapearing and Zelos giving Genis a hickie.

"Okay orochi, two rooms, and tell them to prepare the chosens room."Sheena told her messenger quickly.

"I'm _moan_ not on _moan_ drugs anymore!"

"Than explain the ectasy your trying to make Genis swallow."Sheena said. Zelos was indeed trying to force the small pills down the half-elf's throat, who was very close to giving in.

"The chances of us getting through this without becoming drug addicts and/or alchoholics is at 43% currently, chances are rising if Genis swallows the pill."Sadly Genis swallowed the nondrug addict people of the group awalked away, well Raine was dragged away as she was worried about what Zelos was doing to her brother.

Flanoir was a snowy and cold place, and Sheena could barely stand was shivered and tried to stop herself from was fine because of her thick clothes, Regal had accidently been given a jacket by a man who thought that Regal was in fact a convict, and she wasn't sure if Presea could even feel anything.

"Hey lady! Ya cold?"SHeena turned and spotted a whispy old man in a tourist shirt and pants, he looked like he sould be in Altamira really.

"Yeah."She said to him.

"Try this, it'll warm ya up!"The man handed her cantene, desperate for warmth she chugged it down, finding hersul suddenly dizzy. She ended up sprawled on the ground at Raine's feet, the ninja suddenly jumped up and ran back to the old man for more.

"With Sheena becoming an alcholic their is a 63% chance that we will all end up as drug addicts and/or alcholics."They sighed and moved on in search of a man selling candy canes. Suddenly smoke waftered toward them.

"It looks like it's coming from the church of Martel!"Raine shouted.

"I'll go and check on it, you and Presea should continue on."Raine nodded.

"Chances risen, smoke deducted as Marijuana, currently 74% chance."

"What? My gosh, you and I are the only ones left! But we must find Lloyd!" She and Presea headed onward, toward a totally inconspicous warehouse that said **candy canesin bright red and white entered it, Raine hesitantly and Presea with nothing to fear. Quickly they found their way to where Colette and Lloyd were. Lloyd was chained to a wall with Colette no longer forcing him to sniff the candy canes with her.**

"Chances risen, 98%."Raine began to shake in fear.

"Lloyd! S-stop! You'll make the chances go higher, Presea and I will-"She was interrupted as Sheena crashed through the window and forced some beer down Raine's throat.

"Woot! I just won twen-tay bucks!"Sheena skipped off, and Raine paused in a daze.

"Take me to ya leaderz!"Raine shouted and followed her.

"100% chance that we are all drug addicts/ alchoholics."

"Why aren't you counting yourself Presea?"Lloyd asked between sniffs.

"My exsphere injects me with my daily dose of drugs everday to keep me active and normal."Presea began to twitch,malfunction, regular speech prohibited, must..."Presea walked off twitching like a defective robot.

/Several hours later, Raine sobered up and dragged all of them to rehab./

"How are we supose to be checked out of rehab if only Raine can and Raine's not allowd to check people out of rehab because she's in rehab?"Lloyd asked on their 59th day of captivity.

"Who cares, why do we want to leave? This place has nymphomaniacs! And their converting Sheena!"Zelos yelled in joy.

"Yeah, this place is pretty awesome!"Genis agreed as he shoved some food he didn't have to make into his mouth.

"You know... I think this is celebrity rehab."

"What makes you think that Lloyd?"Genis asked.

"All the luxury, this place has got to over a million gald!" Lloyd said.

"That's it...we're never leaving so we never have to pay the bill!"Genis shouted, and then jumped Zelos, which lead to Lloyd getting involved in a very hot threesome.

Doing something random Kratos suddenly said a thought alloud.

"And that my children is how the worlds were destroyed by candy canes....what the hell?!!"

-Fin

AN:Blame your fate! Yeah, I was eating candy canes that I got from B-day (People know I have an obsession with candy canes...wierd.), so then I was thinking about the time Colette couldn't speak and what if he said some total lie hich Colette couldn't correct? I thought it was funny in my mind and typed it up....I think it classifies as CRACK.

An Kratos got a line, yayz! I wanted to end it with a "And that my children..." line, and I didn't want to say it like I was telling you a story, so I had Kratos say it, cause he's the narrator here abouts!

Also, this is my first plot bunny at 12 AM I ever wrote! I've had others.. they entertain me even if I can't remember them in the morning! Know what? This took me a whole hour to write! So reveiw pwease? I like reveiws, theyz makez mez happyz!

.....I apoligize if your brain melts or IQ points go down, but it wasn't my fault, after all, I'm queen of idiots(that's what they call me!...seriously, they do....)


End file.
